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Filtering by Tag: moving in together

1+1=3 // A Lesson on Healthy Relationships

Lisa Eberly


So if you've been keeping up with Nourish's Instagram or Twitter, you probably think this article is about getting a puppy. Because, well, we got a puppy. And she is adorable. 

Anyway, this article is about making relationships work and one of the many things I deem necessary in having and maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. Even without a puppy. 

I call it 1+1=3. 

In a relationship, particularly a happy one, couples often 'melt' into each other. This is super easy to do, and feels pretty friggin' awesome. You go from being an individual to being a 'we' and an 'us' and suddenly 'you' don't love pizza, 'we' love pizza. Catch my drift? 

Melting into one being and going from a 'me' to a 'we' is, in my opinion, a recipe for longer term problems. It's what I call 1+1=1. One person, plus another person, equals one relationship. 

However, that sounds pretty nice, huh? 

Maybe, you keep the one relationship, but add the two separate people back in. You have the 'we' but you keep the 'me' too. One person, plus one person, equals one relationship, plus one person, plus one person. 1+1=3. 

It's essential in a relationship to melt together into a 'we,' but it's equally essential in a relationship to maintain yourself and your individuality. Melting together isn't fair to either or you, as you each have beautiful and unique qualities. Melting together sounds, well, a little boring.

It's actually kind of beautiful. You and another person are creating and cultivating a whole thing out of your feelings for each other. A relationship is like a living, breathing being that is constantly growing, changing, and evolving; it needs to be nurtured. (Nope, not talking about babies here.) However, that 'thing' shouldn't take anything away from you or the other person, but rather you two should grow and improve upon your individual selves because of it. 

So, for example, I became a 'we': 'we' have a puppy, 'we' live together, 'we' love pizza, 'we' do the NYT crossword, 'we' make crepes in the morning, 'we' go camping. But, I kept my 'me': 'I' go out with my friends solo, 'I' do yoga, 'I' love making, writing about, and photographing healthy food. He kept his 'he': 'he' goes on long bicycle rides, 'he' listens to podcasts, 'he' loves fixing up motorcycles. 

There's me, him, and our relationship. Each of which needs to be nurtured and kept separate.

What do you guys think? To melt into one being or not to melt?

PS - Since I know you all really just want a puppy picture....